Yesterday, my youngest sister (D) arrived on a plane from Alberta and my middle sister (J) brought Frankie from the Kootenays with her. Jumping up and down I greeted them with the news that the bone marrow biopsy reported Nicholas’ marrow has recovered without showing cancer. It’s clear! I’m minus a chewed off fingernail and feel this overwhelming desire to cry all of the time.
Monday March 15
Nicholas is attending clinic every day but it’s glorious he is an out-patient and not in the Hospital. Sister J has a brother in law and nephew living in Vancouver so they joined us for take-out Chinese at the House. It should have been fun but FH (my husband) got his knickers in a knot over something stupid and I came unglued. I got so angry I could have spit on him. My two sisters pulled me aside and said it’s about time I went home. D has left for Alberta and I will drive back to the Kootenays with J tomorrow.
As I walked out of clinic I took a picture of Nicholas looking back at me over the top of his pillow. “I’ll miss you Mom, but have a good time at home.” I’m a twisted wreck over being able to escape and go home, but my little boy cannot. He has been living this nightmare for seven weeks.
Last night I stayed at the Easter Seal House with J. I was so homesick for my family that I barely slept.
Friday March 19
FH and the boys have enjoyed an extended leave from the hospital. Nicholas’ bone marrow was sluggish to recover completely. On the phone every day Nick and Frankie told me about visits to the marinas to look at boats or the hobby stores. They’ve been regular kids on a vacation to the big city.
That has ended because today Nicholas started another chemo protocol and it will run until March 24th. He has healed enough to be brought back down to his knees again. I haven’t said a word to FH. He won’t come to the phone and I won’t ask for him. We are stupid, selfish people to put our kids through this infantile BS.
FH and I have never had a strong union. Are we ever going to get this married thing right?