15 years ago today Nicholas died. The anticipation of each anniversary was always worse than the actual day. In the days building up to the anniversary of his death the grief was astounding, building and refocusing, growing into a monster that would cripple me.
I’m daily living without him and the anniversary is really just another day. I don’t miss Nicholas any more today than I did yesterday.
In the early years when the grief was new, the wound was raw and I was looking for my new normal, a moving target, the anniversary knocked my feet out from under me. It was so difficult to get back up, so I stayed down.
It was then that I was quiet, still and listening. I could hear his voice.
Don’t quit. I’m here with you. Get up, Mom!
Christmas can be wicked tough.
How was it for you? Are you down?
Be still. Be quiet. Listen.
Can you hear that voice inside your heart?
Get up! Don’t quit! I’m here with you.
You’re never alone.