Swallowtail photo by Vanessa Truss

When I Dream of You

At night in their dreams, the lost children of these three women visit their mothers. I always have believed that goodbye is never really goodbye, it's just see you later. Pam R. F. Shortly after our daughter Melissa passed away my husband had a dream. He was walking in his college campus. Someone walking in front of him was dressed like a clown, but all in white. From the way the person walked he knew it was Melissa. He yelled her name but she began to run away. He ran after her, caught her by the shoulder and turned her around. It WAS Melissa. He said "Melissa, I miss you." She was crying, her tears streaming over the white makeup on her face. She replied, "I miss you too." He … [Read More...]

The author Jane with her daughter Claire

Packing Up Claire’s Room

Unbelievable. I sit down to write about the horrific process of taking apart and packing up Claire’s room and a gust of wind comes through the window loosening one of the Paris pictures on the wall above the closet doors. So Claire, are you helping me? Just as I had the thought, “How am I going to be able to do this?” You help me by making the first move? And yet that doesn’t make it any easier. Every item tells a story. I stroke the soft purple unicorn pillow pet and I’m transported back to the clinic the day the volunteer was wheeling the cart full of assorted pals, offering one to Claire. She hesitated because so many of the things were geared for younger children, and she probably … [Read More...]

Nicholas in Dave's Dodge Stealth (Twin Turbo)

Blasts, a Dodge Stealth (with twin turbos) and a Secret

Friday, August 13th and my baby sis Dori’s birthday. Anyone who comes into Nick’s room today stays a while with him. He is chatty and charming and irresistible. I can’t take my eyes off his sweet face. The white blood cell (WBC) count is 0.32. A young doctor slips through the door. I’ve met him just once and can’t remember his name. He’s wearing a shirt buttoned in the front, and dark slacks. He clutches a clip board to his chest. He tells me he has some results from Nick’s blood work. It isn’t usual for a doc to deliver blood work results. My stomach rolls. I suggest we step into the hallway. He tells me they have been seeing blast cells in Nick’s blood work since Aug 6th. “Blasts? But … [Read More...]

RCAF silver baby cup

Skeletons (Choices Part 3)

Did you read Part 2? Click Here. When I was nine and got my new mother I had ideas about what she would be like. She was always nice when Dad had taken me and my sister along when they went to supper. For as long as I could remember my friend’s mothers had patted me on the head, and said, “You poor child who doesn’t have a mother,” and gave me a cookie. That seemed to be what mothers did. Now, I was going to have one of my own. She was a lovely, pretty lady who had never been married before. My Dad asked her to marry him three times before she accepted. She was nervous, and she had good reason to be. My youngest sister was now four years old and called the aunt and uncle she lived with … [Read More...]

Moonstruck West Coast

2 kids. What are the Chances?

Wednesday “X ray,” says the porter. She bundles Nick in a blanket after helping him into a wheel chair. I wait in his room. He returns 45 minutes later and I help him back into bed. “Ultrasound.” A different porter pushes a wheel chair into the room. Nicholas jumps, he’s just slipped into slumber. “I didn’t know any tests had been ordered,” I say. The porter shrugs. Crap! I hate it when I’m not told what’s going on. Now that Dr. Kent has left us we’ve gotten tossed around from doctor to doctor. There have been so many unfamiliar faces, and I’m not even sure who our main doctor is. The angry red rash from the shingles is traveling from Nick’s little butt down his leg. The virus attacks a … [Read More...]

Barney: Late for Lingerie and the Forgotten Place