Evening Horseback Ride
I took a horseback ride last evening. 99% of my riding is done during the day. In my other life when the horses were in my back yard and the kids were small I often rode after the supper dishes were washed. There’s something a little bit magical about that time of day when the sun is low in the sky. The bird songs change. It’s like they are saying goodbye to the day, and calling everyone home. Riding through long shadows I’m alone on the trails, comfortable with a cooler breeze on my skin. And when the sun finally sinks behind the mountains there is the soft red light of sunset that paints the forest in hues of ochre. I sure do love this horse of mine. “He’s my dog,” I tell people. “He … [Read More...]
When Ending Really Sucks
My blog was based on the Journal I wrote sitting beside Nick’s hospital bed 1999 - 2000. The first blog post for HIMH was November 2011. I’ve regularly posted blog entries from the Journal but I’m struggling now, skirting the edges of a wall. My friend Lorelie’s six year old daughter Kendra relapsed three years after a regime of chemo for leukemia. Lorelie said it was so much harder, so much more sad, and horrifying having a history and education in the terrors of cancer treatment - knowing what was to come and how much her child would suffer. A bone marrow donor was found and Kendra got her transplant. She survived the grueling transplant protocol. It was the longest year. The most … [Read More...]
Rumi and Finding My Religion
"When we feel down and sad, the Buddhist teaching that we have everything we need, and that we are already perfect as we are, can be hard to swallow. To think that we are already Buddha, already enlightened, already who and where we need to be, seems a cruel joke. If this is so, why do we not feel enlightened? Why do we suffer? Why must we work to uncover this enlightenment? Yet even in the midst of these feelings and questions, it is possible to find the seed of our awakening, the seed of our Buddha nature within. We see it in our not giving up, in seeking after truth, in offering our unhesitating help to a friend. Like a seed in the soil, this one is buried deep within us, far from light, … [Read More...]
Lessons from Huckleberry Finn (Nick)
I help him make a peanut butter sandwich. He brings me the heavy jar cradled with both hands, he's tall for one year to go before reaching double digits in age. We don't cut the sandwich in half, at some point of half famished he'll eat it in one go, he puts it and a small bag of oatmeal cookies into a green canvas nap sack. He asks for treats for the dogs; three treats but he figures the two older dogs will turn back when the trail gets steep. “They always do,” he said. “Isn’t he kind of young to be going by himself?” Friends questioned when my youngest boy had his first little trek. “Mom can I climb the mountain?” From the barn the back pasture drops away and then gradually begins to … [Read More...]
Featured Pages
The Lion King and Nick
Watch a short clip from The Lion King The young cub called Simba from the movie The Lion King evokes the memory of a little boy I used to have in my life. He was as lovable, or, as wild when provoked, as a lion cub. His adventures included taking one of our dogs, hiking into the woods, and climbing the hills behind our farm to explore. Often, I would look out the window into our back yard, and depending on what time of year it was, I would see Nicholas in the snow or on the grass wrestling, himself still a puppy, with the dogs. He left this life when he was of the age that he swung between the business of childish play, and an adolescent spending quiet time in curious ponderings. The Heroes in our Lives Nicholas and Simba are heroes in their own stories. They both were mere youngsters; innocent and pure, still believing in the power of hope when their lives became painful. They became warriors with the depth of courage that is valued, spoke of and passed on through the ages. In The Lion King, the young cub loses his father in a violent death and his world is upended. Simba’s survival is hinged on his drawing from the courage he saw in his father. My son developed an aggressive leukemia. The chemo therapy protocol waged a vicious battle against the disease, and physically Nicholas became a shadow of the boy he used to be. But his spirit, the light that burns deep inside every one of us, rose to the challenge. Like my son, Simba was felled to his knees and robbed of … [Read More...]
The first entry in the Journal – The Beginning of the End
BC Children’s Hospital March
Click on the photograph for the first entry in the Journal