Fearless steps

Fearless Stranger by Melissa

Melissa was just a little girl when she was in treatment with Nicholas. (click) Today the second day of September, after she posted on facebook that this is the month of Childhood Cancer awareness, she tells me that a few years ago she began a blog. Fearless Stranger (click for chaoticsweetums)   … [Read More...]

Frankie new driver 1999

New Driver & Shameful Mother

Dear Friends, I could see my breath as I walked back to the Ronald McDonald house from the hospital this evening. It’s bloody chilly here already in Calgary. FH’s sister Bettyanne will stay with Nicholas tonight while I get to do the laundry and then sleep on a bed instead of a hospital cot. FH and Frankie are at home in the Kootenays for a week. Frankie was born here in Alberta so he was able to get his Alberta learner driver’s license using my sister’s address. He’s 15 years old while in BC you have to be 16. "My friends are gonna think this is so cool!" He’s been driving already for a few years, since his feet could reach the pedals, along back-country roads, learning to shift and he’s … [Read More...]


Fly Little Friends

Frankie and his Dad have left for some time at home. They took a dog pillow for our dear mutt Sam, to ease his old body as the weather cools off and winter sets in. When I’m smoking outside the hospital or the House I often run into Michelle, who I first met the night Nick’s blood pressure dropped. My smoking sucks and Nicholas despises it. He actually snarls at me. What he says is a mixture of I hate how you smell and you’re a complete idiot for smoking when I have cancer. He called me “a stupid-o.” Both of the boys tell their dad and I what they think about the smoking, but normally (there’s that word again) I wouldn’t tolerate how Nick is speaking to me. He’s angry at the world, his … [Read More...]

Nicholas 11 years old and Me 1998

When Lying Is Better

Sad news from BCCH. Justin M., Debbie’s son has relapsed (bone cancer) and lost most of his pelvis in surgery. We’ve learned he is taking the experimental chemo Topotekan that was offered to us. Justin has been told it is felt he will not survive. He’s 18 years old. Debbie said her son wanted to know everything, "always the truth" he told her. How do you tell your child they’re dying? Monday, September 27 Day 4 since chemo Compound 506U78 was started. While the WBC (white blood count) and AGC (absolute granulocyte count) still drop the strangest thing I have yet seen is the blasts (cancer cells) rising from 0.16 > 0.22. I imagine a battlefield littered with dead and dying good guys, … [Read More...]